Top 5 Most Evil Paintings

There are a LOT of bad paintings out there. They have poor composition, garish colors, and a general disregard for what the human eye can tolerate. However, some paintings are so bad, they murder a puppy to make sure everyone knows it.

#5 – The Picture of Dorian Gray

For the less well read of you out there (and by that, I mean everyone who didn’t suffer through The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen), Dorian Gray was so enraptured with a portrait of himself, he wished that the painting would age instead of him. Gray gets his wish and acts like a dick, while the painting grows older and more vile with every one of his sins.

After decades of dickery, Gray finally gets fed up with his now-ugly portrait and stabs it, killing him, and reverting the portrait back to it’s original state.

#4 – Girl Trapped in Farmhouse Painting

Okay, imagine this scenario: You’re a little girl, and some kind lady offers you an apple. BAM! Now you’re trapped in a painting of a rural farm scene for the rest of eternity.

This painting was only mentioned in passing in the original Roald Dahl book, The Witches and only seen in a short scene in the 1990 film of the same name, but is one of the more horrific things the witches did in the story. Other children were turned into animals, or killed, but this girl was forced to live forever in the dining room, constantly screaming out for help while her family shares a bucket of KFC.

#3 – Sickness

Jhonen Vasquez, before he made Invader Zim, wrote and illustrated this story about a painting who was trying to control her artist. The artist, Devi, was a goth whose history of attempts to become social went legendarily bad (men she went on dates with died, pooped their pants, tried to kill her, and tried to eat her), leaving her with nothing but her work.

After painting a doll named “Sickness”, the painting manipulated events around her to keep her from her work, leaving her an empty shell to fill with the painting’s murderous intentions. Oh, did I mention that the painting could summon housecats with acid for blood?

#2 – Vigo The Conqueror

This painting depicts Vigo The Conqueror, who apparently killed a lot of people back in the 17th century, according to GhostBusters II. This portrait contained the soul of Vigo, who controlled emotion-sensitive slime under New York City to try and capture a baby so he could get back his physical form.

Although he only needed one baby, the effects of his power were felt all over the city. Remember that slime? It summoned ghosts, and fed off the negative emotions of NYC inhabitants. Basically, he was the most powerful thing in NYC.

Although he pales in comparison to the evil of…

#1 – The Empty Eyed Paintings of Scooby Doo

The horror...the horror...

Whenever Scooby and the Gang walk through a spooky house, or an abandoned carnival, or some ancient ruins, they really have to keep their eyes out for the paintings. When you see a painting shift it’s eyes around, RUN! It’s probably old man Jenkins scaring you away from pirate gold. And who knows what he’s willing to do to get rid of you…